East of Byzantium

The above shows the Chinese for repentance, as used in most Bibles (for example “Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.” - Matt 4:17). 悔改

The first character, 悔 (pron. “hui” or “hw-ay”), means to feel sorry; the second, 改 (”gai” as in the English word guy), means to change or correct. Although this is the same as English, in Chinese the meaning of the word is explicit: change and correction through remorse. Perfect.

And there is more. The character hui, 悔, has on the left the character used for the heart (心) emphasising that the remorse felt is something of the heart, just as Biblical writers understood that this is the seat of emotion and intellect. To the right, is the character meaning “every”, or “each”, (e.g. 每天, means “every[每] day[天]”). The remorse we have must be for everything we have done.

Following on from the remorse and regret, crucially, is change (改). Here again are two parts, left and right. To the left we have 已, ji, which means “oneself” or “one’s own”. The right part literally means to “whip” or “tap”, but ultimately has the meaning of change. Our own change, the correction of ourselves.

“Hw-ay Gai” - Remorse leading to correction.

Many thanks to Julia for the picture of a recently new bulding, one that I have been invited to before. As you can see, it is a very large and impressive “Christian Church” located in the heart of Beijing’s university district.

It is heart-warming to see religious tolerance in China reaching such an extent that such a large structure, prominently displaying such a huge Cross and the word “Christian”, can now be given the permission to be built.

I haven’t been to the church pictured, though I have a morbid curiosity to go there soon (perhaps even this Sunday as there is no Divine Liturgy on that day), so I cannot say what this church provides. I do, however, know what it doesn’t provide: the aforementioned Divine Liturgy.

I know at least one person who regularly attends this church, and so I know at least one person who goes there has a deep love of God, and faithfulness towards Him. I have no reason to believe that every other person who also goes there is the same. But then, I wouldn’t judge a person based on their church anyway. Churches are not places were only holy people go, nor those who are saved, nor only those who wish to worship God - so who can know about the people there?

No, we cannot judge a church upon who goes, but on what the church provides to those who attend, whoever they may be. Christ is the physician who heals our wounds, and church is the hospital to which sinners and saints alike (because the saints still sin and sinners can still be sanctified) go to be healed.

There’s more to it than that - worship, prayer, community - but without our Liturgy to God and God’s sacrifice to us, they are nothing. The reason I am, or anyone is, given time on this green earth, is so that we can move closer to God and He can move closer to us. That reunification is also our healing, and that requires our service to Him, the Liturgy, and God’s sacrifice for us, the shedding of Christ’s blood. Without the sacrifice of Christ, Our Saviour, at the centre of a church building, a church gathering, at the centre of our lives, then how can we be healed by it? The cross is empty, as it is in the Christian Church building above.

So although heart-warming, my heart still breaks for the Chinese Christians who need medicine, yet instead have been given a big white placebo.

Thursday is the feast day of the Exaltation of the Cross, and there will be a Divine Liturgy in the Russian Embassy at 8am. God willing, I’ll be there, and so can post something more positive (lighting a candle instead of cursing darkness).

It’s a great lie, and like all great lies it is hidden within some truth.

The universe is huge, and that’s true enough. We, by comparison are very, very, small, tiny, and who could deny that? Lulled by these self-evident truisms we are lead, innocent, into the lie itself: if the universe is so enormous, if we are so small and on this earth for such a short time, what we do has no bearing whatsoever in the “great scheme of things”. It’s nothing but a lie, and a huge deception.

Every action, every word we utter, leaves an indelible mark upon the universe. A man’s words leave his mouth and hang in the air for just a short time. Yet it cannot be said that those words cease to exist once the air stops resonating with their weight. The words can be remembered by those who hear them, retained and passed on, or even distorted completely. But still those words were given to the world by the man and remain there forever. Even if no one hears the man, his words are heard by himself, his thoughts have been given life. Even if both listener and speaker forget those words, they will have had their effect for a short time, and the consequences of them could be felt forever, the source forgotten. But what if the words are erased from the collective consciousness of humanity, having not moved a single person? Does that not mean the words were never said? Looking back upon the history of the entire universe, would those words of utterance – or even just one word – never be found? Of course they would still be there. We are not infants anymore. If we put our hands over our eyes the world doesn’t really disappear. If we forget our words, if everyone forgets our words, they still exist in the universe.

And this is only someone’s words I am speaking of. What then, of our actions? How must the universe contort itself to accommodate the consequences of our deeds? On the afternoon of the 25th of December, 1999, I placed flowers on the grave of my departed grandfather, just as my family did every Christmas day. Those flowers are long gone, returned to the earth to bring forth new flowers, or weeds. My grandfather’s grave still remains and so do I. But the time will come when I will stop placing flowers on my grandfather’s grave, and perhaps the time when my own children or grandchildren place flowers on my own. Will my grandfather’s grave be forgotten? In time, it will, as will mine. In hundreds of years my grave will be left untended, if the gravestone even remains. In thousands of year’s time my grandfather’s grave will no longer remain, and his body will be by this time a million pieces of everything else. In millions of year’s time the sun will finally have grown so huge that it will have engulfed the earth within its diameter. With the earth incinerated within a star that is itself dieing what then is the point of anything? It is this: that on the 25th of December, 1999, I placed flowers upon the grave of Gerald Hendry (1943 – 1992). It has happened. It will have always happened. And each and every one of us has left millions of such impressions upon the universe, forever.

Everything we do is an eternal act.

Continued later…